Everything changed for me the day I asked a better question and stopped using the word if. The word if is an escape word, a way out-on condition that, in the event that, or a choice question. So, when you use if, you never really put all of your commitment and focus on the goal or the outcome. You allow an escape route to be present or two choices to be available. Making a true commitment to anything requires that you cut off any other possibility. For example: we'll live together and if it works out well get married; or: I'll try and make dinner tonight and if it doesn't work out we'll just order something. Do you see the problem? There's a reason for it to not work out, because I created something to fall back on, a backup plan or safety net.
The word try is even worse! That word means you're not going to do anything, period. Whether you realize it or not, you actually read that word in the last statement. Your subconscious mind will react to it because the word try was said.
The best approach is to use the word how . Now the process only goes in one direction. How is a decision-making word. The word if is a choice word, which is fine, but no matter what, you need to be responsible on either end, because the bottom line is whether it's how, if, or try, your mind will assemble a belief system and associate the appropriate behavior, whether it is true or not. These words offer a hook to the procrastinator and a great way to never add value-to your life or anyone else's.
All words come from definition (see the power of words section).
Until you decide to learn to take responsibility, you'll never learn to appreciate the feelings of your happiness or the feelings of unhappiness. Each of these feelings carries with it a message, and the message is feeling great. It means I want to repeat it. Feeling terrible means I want to avoid it. But here's the problem: what if the person you gave the responsibility for feeling terrible to is the same person you married? I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should never make anyone responsible for your happiness or your unhappiness. When you're happy, be fully present and take full responsibility for your happiness, because if you don't, you will never know how to repeat the pattern in the future. This allows you to never be in a place of reaction, but rather it allows you to be in a place of action. If you take responsibility for your unhappiness now, you will know in the future that you're responsible for never allowing this kind of behavior to be present again.
Could you imagine keeping a select group of people in your mind in order to feel good or bad? Better yet, could you imagine being selected by someone as their downfall in life? The first thing I would want to know is, why did you pick me? Here's where it gets better: guess what they do? They automatically pick you in return! Now, it's nice to select someone in life as a person that makes us happy. However, what happens when they're not around? Ask any woman and she'll tell you she does not want to be the source of a man's happiness.
I couldn't imagine having that job for the rest of my life, especially since I never signed up for it! Now, if we blame someone for our unhappiness (there's that word again), then of course every time something shows up, guess what we do? We Look around for someone to blame, and most of the time the same person is present: wife, husband, children, etc. They become the source of our pain.